


i want my lobster boneless

by orphan_account



Series: The Disastrous Life of Master Attendant and Co. [4]
Category: Food Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, I c a l c u l a t e d, LET ME DIE, Master Attendant is called Emshii, More Terribly Written Crack, One percent of this fic is made up of swears, after like 500 years I’m s o r r y, anywho on this episode of:, ayyyyyy I’m baccc, why am i still here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 14:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17663993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Green Curry has a crush, Emshii has a thirst, and the kitchen has been demolished. No forks were harmed in the making of this piece.





	i want my lobster boneless

Emshii groaned as they were awoken by the terrible beast. The beast roared and paced, leaving everything touched by its flaming breath dry as ash. The beast had invaded Emshii’s throat, and was winning. The beast was thirst.

 

They huffed, debating whether to slay the beast. The kitchen was just downstairs, and logically, it would take only a minute to get the Holy Grail, the ultimate weapon, water. On the other hand, _bed._

 

For a slightly less primitive reason to suffer silently (aside from the beast’s nefarious helper, laziness), the Food Souls had a very tiring week, and didn’t deserve to be woken on the off chance Emshii made too much noise.

 

Peking Duck had to deal with those pesky Dine ‘N Dashers all day and almost had a mental breakdown—wait, no scratch that, he _did_ have a breakdown— Brownie had to deal with the aftermath of the Food Souls’ adorable yet mildly irritating affection for Emshii, and they themselves had to deal with Red Wine’s lust for their blood, and had to punt him into space. Metaphorically speaking, or course.

 

All in all, Emshii’d rather die than wake them up.

 

But, in the end, Emshii caved to the ruthless torture of the beast, and said fuck it. They crept downstairs, stumbling a bit while their eyes adjusted to the darkne—

 

Hold on.

 

What. The fuck.

 

To Emshii’s great horror, their kitchen was absolutely _wrecked,_ and was still getting demolished, apparently. By… Green Curry?

 

Who was, apparently, bending fork prongs and using the tortured utensils to stab into Emshii’s precious lobster supply, then adding an obscene amount of...curry powder? Before stuffing them in his mouth while sobbing? What?

 

Well, anyway, Curry was doing that, and considering it was an open secret Curry was absolutely Gaga for Boston Lobster, Emshii could put her last two working brain cells to use and assume that his confession _hadn’t gone very well._

 

Yeah, that can get fucked sideways with a goddamn chessboard, because Emshii was _not_ touching that.


End file.
